For Friday has come around again and as somebody said to me this morning, it's only five weeks until Christmas.
This troubles me a little.
This week I have been running 'on the spot'. There's a lot of movement, a lot of arm flailing but I'm not getting anywhere. My mind is going overtime and a half
I woke up in the night and wrote this:-
The doubting begins & I don't know what I need to do anymore. Could I twirl into an about turn and become another creature? But the same glum one stares back at me in the unforgiving mirror. I want to learn to write in Japanese and become as unflinching as a cat. Become a discoverer, a tightrope walker, an astronomer, a chef, a poet, a soother of wounds there is no medicine for. Become a fairy on a Christmas tree, I'll be a bauble that dangles and leaves a cloud trail in the night. A scarecrow in a field might have more warmth than me so I shall become a student of garden gates and solid fridge air.
I dunno?
Just sharing. That's what blogging is for...
Actually I am filled with a giddy excitement about a new project I have dreamed of for years. It's starting to become a more tangible shape now, I can actually put my finger on thoughts and hold them like struggling beetles so it's closer to realising and I have much much work to do. I wish I could tell you more but for now it's a shushy thing. All will be revealed in 2010. I suppose my night ramblings are the twinkles of self doubt but my dad always said "you can do anything you want" so I'm going to believe in my bigger picture. For him, if not for myself.
Have a lovely weekend my treasures. You are the jewels in my inbox.
