Monday, 8 February 2010

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I've been in India for a few weeks now...I've got my daily routine, I'm institutionalised under Pushpa's care and have a lot of time to think. After all, swirling a few clothes around in a bucket is as much domesticity that I have to undertake. I climb the hot stairs to the roof to hang out my dripping items which take about an hour to dry in the fierce heat up there. I take the dried clothes to the ironing boy and he uses the cast iron 'heated with hot coals' ironing method which leaves my clothes ironed paper flat and smelling faintly of coal fires. Which I, of course, love.
Apart from a few design commitments that I can cover whilst I am here, I am reading a lot which is luxurious...although my dreams of reading to my heart's content is not that viable in the heat and my eyes (even with glasses) get tired easily. I've doodled a bit in my diary/sketchbook but I'm not feeling it. Truth is, the visual stimulation I get here is totally overwhelming. Sights and sounds galloping by. I can't precis my thoughts or visions as there are so many and I am aware that I need to get 'it' down, record what 'is' here before I'm faced with two days left and an impending feeling of desperate creative panic.
And I keep thinking, my blog, my blog, I should at least be giving something away when I am receiving so much and could channel some of it your way, dear reader...
But I'm not bothered, not bovvered at all. I'm sitting and thinking and brewing and dozing and drifting and dreaming and it's wonderful. I keep getting gripped by 'it's lazy, I'm lazy' but I watch the phrase float on by like the heavy bee that lives in the bamboo blind by my balcony. The Truth is, everybody could do with this, this luxury of time and space and drifting, many much more than me and there it flares up again, the guilt...but I don't hold onto it, I just let it goooooooooo
And this goes on a lot...stopping only for meals and freshly prepared pineapple that arrives with a strangled cry by the pineapple cart man. 

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnaaplllllle, pina pina pina piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnaaaaapppllle.

Full on, full-time yoga, does funny things to a girl, opening spaces that was once a mind firmly made up, stretching a brain with possibilities of space and awareness to realise it's actually okay to just 'be'. Yes, it's indulgent and luxurious and most importantly, my choice. That's what I have to remind myself as I crank into another day beginning with the most strenuous physical & mental journey I ever thought I could tackle. (Giving birth was a breeze in comparison)
And as my feet span my mat I learn each day there is a new way to be, an additional millimetre to open my heart, an extra inch to scale in my search for happiness/contentment/existence/bliss and I see it's already there. 
It was there all along.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
louloulovesbooks said...

Dear Anonymous
I know who you are, You made a crucial mistake. Hilarious that you are still harbouring grudges.
I'm off to skip to the coconut hut in my flip flops
Have a nice day

nath said...

hello lovely,

oh, stop it, stop it, every time i have read a post from India, my eyes well up with tears. you're talking some profound stuff here. i don't really mean stop it of course, these posts are wonderful and magical and real and inspiring and moving and well, pretty all-round amazing. in short, i love reading them.

and thank you for giving.

p.s. was someone horrible to YOU dear Lou? Lemme at 'em. if you're gonna be mean then at least have the balls to put your name to your comment.

be well and stretchy. XX

Bingo Betty said...

Can we do a life-swap please!?

louloulovesbooks said...

Dear lovely Nath Thanks for that~it was a much needed dose of are a bringer of light!

BB~Mama loves you

"Anonymous" posters take note : by the time you're fifty you'll get the face you deserve. Just try and be nice, it really helps.

chocolategirl64 said...

not sure I'm ready to do a life swap like BB asks:
looking introspectively takes big courage:
cutting a Lou-shaped hole here and placing yourself there is a gift:
we're all still here in the ‐1°:
your breaths of India are refreshing and inspiring:
like the telegrams of old that take a little time to reach their destination:

suzie said...

Louby Lou, you have so touched a very raw nerve that many of us have; that terrible guilt that weighs us down. You are absolutely spot on with your thinking, thank you so much for wafting a little positivity into my (at present) fraught little life!
And you don't need to feel everything must be documented, photographed, blogged. A very wise woman (and very successful painter) told me years ago, she never kept a note or sketchbook; She said the good ideas will stay with you and if you forget them, they weren't good ideas in the first place. She had a point.

I'm with Nath, send us their address and we'll go round and ruff 'em up a bit for you....

louloulovesbooks said...

Suzie & ChocDrop
Thanks so much for your thoughtful messages. It gets lonely in here looking out. I've not got so long to go now and feel the looming of a return to normal life. Pushing it away on the exhale...Can't wait to have a shower with my mouth open!

Lizzie said...

Lou Lou, I am enjoying your posts from India. I love following your blog and reading about your adventure. It's so lovely to share a little of this with you - thank you for your thoughts and ideas. You needn't feel guilt that you are there and others are not. As you say, it is a valuable experience - and you are sharing some of it with us. Thank you and have a wonderful time.

louloulovesbooks said...

Lizzie~it's lovely to have you along for the journey even if it's taking a slightly introspective tone on my part. We'll be back to jolliness and high hedges soon enough.
Thank you for saying thank you because the pleasure is all mine

Anonymous said...

Hi lovely,
You and me need a talk - WHO HAS BEEN MEAN??? Do I know them?
Oh, the intrigue! But let it all slip away in to the heat - let them have their problems and their petty grudges, how boring for them.
Anyway, my lovely, India sounds divine and to me it seems that you are slipping more and more into Indian life. Are you sure you are ever coming back?
Sorry I missed your call today...speak soon